the great times that i've never had
and the lonely days that i've always spent
the great emotions that i do not feel
and the unknown moments
stored peacefully in my head.
i don't know what i want
i've given up on all hope
the ackward silence that follows
and does not leave me alone
i don't know what makes me happy anymore.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I like the raw line endings, almost like on a pause. I would take the ands out though. It would make it more raw, I think. Last semester I was taught "word economy". To take out the ands, thes, and buts. For examples:
ReplyDelete"The great times I've never had
The lonely days I've always spent
The great emotions I do not feel
The unknown moments
Stored peacefully in my head
etc....:)
Otherwise, I liked it! The raw emotions! Very nice!